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Comparable Examples of Fictional Media Reports

By Douglas Herman
Exclusive to Rense.com
10-30-6

In a complex and well-coordinated heist, combining speed and stealth with an uncanny knowledge of automobile security systems, four tots hotwired a Toyota Land Rover and cruised along fabled Deco Drive in South Beach Miami. The merry group spent the evening crashing top night spots and easily eluding waitresses, bartenders and bouncers. Credit card receipts, obviously signed by one of the tots, showed thousands in charges for table dances, champagne and limo service. A crayon drawing left by one of the tots lent conclusive proof of their guilt, according to local law enforcement officials.

A trio of nuns broke into a North Dakota missile site in a complex and well-coordinated heist, combining speed and stealth with an uncanny knowledge of USAF security systems. The nuns quickly removed the nuclear warhead in 20 minutes from the ICBM using a crescent wrench, car jack and plastic crucifix. A nun's habit and Gideon Bible, inscribed with the name of one of the nuns, providently found at the crime scene, indicated conclusive proof of their guilt and the trio was quickly captured.

A pair of elderly pensioners swiped two Abrams M1A1 tanks yesterday and crashed them into the Virginia state capitol after driving them 150 miles undetected. In a complex and well-coordinated heist, combining speed and stealth with an uncanny knowledge of US Army security systems, the senior citizens swiped the tanks from a National Guard armory. After crashing the tanks into the office building, the pair fled on foot, eluding hundreds of lawmen. But a dog-eared copy of National Geographic magazine, found at the crime scene addressed to one of the octogenarians, lead to the speedy arrest and confinement of the pair.

Six autistic kids, ranging in age from 12 to 19, broke into Fort Knox yesterday and looted billions in gold from the vaults in a daring daylight raid. The complex, well-coordinated heist, combining speed and stealth with an uncanny knowledge of the vault's security system, allowed the kids easy entry. Video cameras, however, caught the six laughing and joking while entering the open vaults. Unfortunately for the plotters, an inscribed trophy from the 2001 Special Olympics, along with a group photograph of the six, was found at the crime site, foiling the perfect crime.

In a complex and well-coordinated heist, combining speed and stealth with an uncanny knowledge of nuclear submarine security systems, two teenage lovers who called themselves Romeo and Juliet, stole a Trident submarine yesterday and enjoyed a brief joyride before sinking the sub in a suicide pact in 10,000 feet of water. Although no bodies were recovered, a water-soaked library card found floating on the Pacific Ocean , belonging to Roy Meoli, age 17, confirmed to law enforcement officials that the troubled teenage boy was the sole mastermind of the daring heist.

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