9/11 Commission Report: Revised Second Edition


Preface: Now that it has been discovered that the Pentagon, CIA, Vice President and other agencies and officials lied to The 9-11 Commission about the timeline of the military's reaction to the hijackings, the interrogation of alleged members of Al-Qaeda, orders given regarding response to the hijackings and other issues, the Commission has decided to issue a revised, Second Edition of our Report.

Our revised Second Edition removes all material based on false or unverifiable information provided to us by the United States government.

As such, we hope that this revised Second Edition will lay to rest once and for all the distrust in the government that so many Americans have expressed, and will remove all controversy concerning the events of September 11th.

Tuesday, September 11, 2001, dawned temperate and nearly cloudless in the eastern United States.

Recommendation: Keep monitoring the weather.

Notes to the Second Edition: Because the government has refused to give the Commission access to any of real sources of unbiased information concerning the 9/11 attacks, obstructed our investigation, failed to fund the investigation in any meaningful fashion, and sabotaged our investigation from the first day, the weather for 9/11 is the only thing our Report can really discuss.

[GW's comment: The above is, of course, parody. The first sentence of the "Second Edition" is the first sentence from the original report, and the "recommendation" is just satire -- the Commission's series of "Recommendations" end their Report.

It is true, however, that I couldn't read much past the first sentence of the Report without running into claims based upon alleged confessions made by alleged members of Al Qaeda, concerning which information the government wants us to simply take its word, since it has destroyed any videotapes which would show what these people actually said, if anything.

In addition to the supposed interrogation information, there is also the false information about military reactions to the hijackings, Dick Cheney's provably false statements about when he entered the PEOC command center and what orders he gave there, and many other demonstrably false assertions.

So, while this may be parody, it is - unfortunately - not far from the truth.]