The Santa Claus Conspiracy; I'm sick of these nutcases.

For some reason, I keep hearing more and more people on both the Left and the Right with their conspiracy theories that, somehow, Santa Claus is not real.

First of all, if Santa Claus is not real, why has no one come forward and said something to expose it? If I possessed first-hand knowledge that Santa was a farce, I would be looking at a multi-million dollar book deal and possibly a Nobel Peace Prize. Why would I possibly sit on damning information that could lead to exposing the greatest cover-up ever?

I would like to now make a list of the people that would have to be involved in order for the Santa Claus conspiracy theory to be succesfullly covered up.

- Every parent who allows their child to believe in Santa Claus and wake up excited on Christmas Day expecting gifts from a fat man in a suit.
- Every postal employee who handles the thousands of letters that are annually sent to Santa Claus' residence by anxious children.
- Every security and administrative employee at the thousands of shopping malls that Santa appears in every year.
- Coca-Cola.
- Tim Allen.
- L. Frank Baum
- The list goes on ...

I also hear conspiracists say that, "well, if Santa IS real, how come there are no photographs of him? Surely a fat man in a bright red suit shouldn't be nearly as difficult to photograph as, say, Bigfoot."

Listen, we all know that both the God and Devil are real, regardless of whether or not we've seen their pictures.

I think I've made myself clear. Santa exists, you fruitcakes.


Touche, Dylan

But didn't Santa release a video some years ago?.....

Santa fakery! :)

Santa fakery!


A recent classic by Joe Crubaugh

Popular Mechanics Debunks 12/25 Santa Claus Truthers

In March 2005, Popular Mechanics published an article called Debunking The 9/11 Myths, that denigrated all unofficial 9/11 conspiracy theories while exalting the official 9/11 conspiracy fairy tale.

Since then, the Popular Mechanics article has been thoroughly exposed as hogwash, and Popular Mechanics has loosed its inferior and wanting investigative experts on another growing community of U.S. citizens who hunger for the truth about a different event: What Really Happened on 12/25? :-)

The full article is reprinted below…
Debunking 12/25 Myths

FROM THE MOMENT the first gifts were spotted beneath millions of U.S. Christmas trees on the morning of December 25, the world has asked one simple and compelling question: How could it happen?

Seven months later, not everyone is convinced we know the truth.

Go to, type in the search phrase “Santa Claus conspiracy” and you’ll get links to thousands of Web sites. It will baffle and surprise most Americans to discover how many of these sites reject the official consensus that nine reindeer flew Santa Claus and a sleigh onto U.S. rooftops in the early hours of 12/25.

Healthy skepticism, it seems, has curdled into paranoia. Wild conspiracy tales are peddled daily on the Internet, talk radio and in other media. Blurry photos, quotes taken out of context and sketchy eyewitness accounts have inspired a slew of elaborate theories:


There was no “red-nosed” reindeer, or there were only eight reindeer. Some claim there were no reindeer at all.

Some U.S. parents actually had advance knowledge that Santa and the elves were determined to break and enter on 12/25, but these parents let it happen on purpose anyway.

The Santa gifts were only one facet of a vast marketing scheme perpetrated by parents with additional help from Toys “R” Us.

(Not surprisingly, this theory’s proponents fail to address why parents would scheme to rid themselves of their own hard-earned cash. “Follow the money,” one PM expert suggested, “and it all goes to the children.” Simply put: there is no motive.)

Perhaps most outlandish of all, some theorize Santa Claus doesn’t even exist. Instead, they say, the immortal magic elf was perpetuated by one or more actors who somehow managed to show up and be photographed at every shopping center in every city in every state almost every single day between Thanksgiving and Christmas!

As outlandish as these claims may sound, they are increasingly accepted abroad and among extremists here in the United States.
The Santa Claus Truth movement

The Santa Claus Truth movement is a very troublesome development in American society. What was once a laudable attempt to encourage the public into critical thinking about Santa Claus has devolved into religious devotion to a Santa Clause conspiracy cult that makes a living peddling nonsense and exploiting ignorance.

Perhaps most troubling of all is the fact that most of these “Truth” cults are increasingly targeting America’s youth.

Of new converts who have, in the past month, rejected the official 12/25 Santa Claus explanation, over 90% were youth under the age of 13. “These are our children, our future,” says an anonymous high-thinking war lemming. “They are being targeted, mostly, by children their age who’ve already succumbed to popular delusions, when critical thinking should make it clear that Santa Claus brought down those presents.”

Let’s take a closer look at some of the most popular 12/25 delusions…
Omniscience of Parents

Many theories espoused by Santa Truth members purpose parental facilitation or complicity in the 12/25 Santa Claus gift event.

These theories, by definition, assume that U.S. parents are competent, all powerful, all seeing entities. But U.S. parents are obviously none of these things. Yet Santa Truth theorists would have us believe a nation full of incompetent parents can be totally competent when it comes to organizing a massive gift event and keeping information about the conspiracy totally sealed shut.

A radical analysis of 12/25 that is ignored by leftists and activists in the Santa Truth movement is the fact that the 12/25 gift event itself illustrated how disorganized, incompetent and weak U.S. parents really are. Surely, if these parents could plan and execute a conspiracy on such a massive scale, they would not fail to provide batteries for the very toys they are purported to have secretly purchased in advance!

Further analysis reveals a high percentage of gift clothes that did not fit intended recipients — in most cases, close relatives. An anonymous, but high-ranking member in the Vice President’s office offered this:

That a caring, loving parent could pull off a secret operation of 12/25 magnitude, and yet fail to acquire the correctly-sized camouflage hunting cap for their small loved one…whom they know intimately and share a trailer and bowling ball with…that’s categorically preposterous beyond my drunk fool turkey imagination.


There is no better explanation for 12/25 than the official Santa Claus story.

Don’t think for yourself. Don’t open your mind to reason. Don’t check the facts. If it’s broken let your grandkids fix it.

Go back to sleep.

Thank you for that ...

... 911blogger[s].

"critical thinking should make it clear that Santa Claus brought down those presents."

i can't stop laughing


Those Santa skeptics? They're all Godless Commies and Islamo-fascists and even (God forbid) Truthers.

I don't mind Santa.

But there are parents out there. Who think that it is really good for their children to believe in the existence of Santa and other fantasy figures like Jesus.

Creating fertile ground for future citizens to take things on faith and believe in silly conspiracy theories. Like the official story of what happened on 9/11.

I think the movie "Zeitgeist" makes a good point.