Cites conversion to Buddhism and enormous guilt for "all the bad things I've done"

American Buddhist Net News
April 1, 2008

"I just couldn't take it any longer," the former vice-president said at a hastily called news conference at midnight on the steps of the White House.

"For my whole life, I had always believed what I had been taught--that greed is good, and that anger is our best weapon against the people we hate. When I realized how wrong I have been, well... I am terribly sorry for all the bad things I have done."

Standing at his side in place of president Bush, Laura Bush said of his resignation: "Naturally we do not approve of his conversion to a godless faith, but we accept his decision and will pray for him, as always."

Cheney's resignation was likely prompted by a recent meeting with the Dalai Lama, Tibet's spiritual leader. Witnesses reported seeing the vice president in tears after his meeting with the monk last week. One heard him exclaim, "How could I have done that? What was I thinking all these years?"

His next move? "I am going to California to be near Richard Gere," Cheney said. "I have always liked his movies, but now I realize that they represent even more than I had understood."

President Bush has offered the V-P slot to the Dalai Lama saying he can "appoint anyone I damn well please." But the monk has declined the offer, saying that he must prepare for upcoming meetings with Chinese officials. "You think Cheney was bad?" he said. "That was nothing compared to these guys!"

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