humor

Berkeley Professor develops 'general conspiracy theory of relativity'

As reported in The La Rochelle Times: http://www.rochelletimes.blogspot.com

 

Fourth dimension 'face-time' explains complex interactions

Luc Attmi
La Lune de la presse internationale

BERKELEY, CALIFORNIA

How to Survive a Terror Attack

Disarm the boogeymen - Humor is a good start!

New Freedom Tower to be protected by Liberty Forcefield

As originally reported in The La Rochelle Times: http://www.rochelletimes.blogspot.com

High-tech shield will protect tower from terrorist threats

Alex Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale

LOWER MANHATTAN, NEW YORK

The Freedom Tower, set to replace the twin towers of the former World Trade Center, will be protected by a state-of-the-art electro-magnetic shield dubbed the "Liberty Forcefield." Construction on the new skyscraper has only recently begun, delayed by the pesky victims' families who want a memorial to commemorate the nearly 3,000 victims of the September 11, 2001, terror attacks. The project is now underway, over-budget and behind schedule, but nevertheless set for completion by 2012.

The Port Authority of New York, which has repossessed the site after it was privatized by Larry Silverstein properties in July, 2001, is overseeing the construction of the new tower. Although Silverstein properties had intended on financing the project, his investment was threatened by insurance companies who found inconsistencies in the policy that was taken out in July, 2001. They refused to pay the $7 billion Silverstein claimed as his reimbursement for "two separate attacks" that occured on Sept 11, therefore doubling his otherwise paltry $3.5 billion insurance claim.

Dept of Homeland Security reveals new 'Democratic Threat Level' color code

As reported in the La Rochelle Times: http://www.rochelletimes.blogspot.com

Alert system to warn Executive Branch of impending oversight

Alain Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale

WASHINGTON, D.C.

The Department of Homeland Security announced Friday that it has developed a new color-coded chart to aide the White House in assessing the threat level of the Democratic Congress. The five categories are intended to help the Leader in evaluating which steps to take next when facing bruising oversight hearings, subpoenas, or leaks of other damaging information. The DHS has declined comment about whether or not the color-coded alert system has already gone into service, but it is certain that its handiness will prove useful once Congressional hearings get started in the coming weeks. The DHS, which takes its orders from the Executive Branch, also has developed new flow chart to help the Leader in the decision-making process, as parter of its larger initiative to protect the vulnerable Unitary Executive from terrorists, enemy combattants or political opponents.

The chart uses five threat levels, much like the chart made in 2002 for the general public after the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. The first two levels, green and blue, indicate a minimal threat from Congressional investigations. The yellow level signals that Congressional probes may be hurting the War on Terror, and the orange and red levels alert the Leader to take urgent action to avoid scandal fallout.

Democrats remained ambivalent after hearing of the news. "I don't think that the President really needs to rely on such as system," said Senator Phil Abusder (D-MI). "It won't change the facts uncovered through oversight."

Conspiracy theorist keeps winning at 'Clue'

As reported in the La Rochelle Times: http://www.rochelletimes.blogspot.com

Alain Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale

MADISON, WISCONSIN
Notorious conspiracy theorist Ben Lernen has once again won a game of Clue, bringing his winning streak to fourteen consecutive games. Family members and friends were disturbed to hear of the latest victory after recently discovering Lernen's penchant for conspiracy theories about the Moon landing, the JFK assassination, 9-11, and other important world events.

"It just doesn't make sense," said sister Candice Lernen. "He goes off all the time about how 9-11 was an inside job, about how there's no way 19 guys with boxcutters could have brought down those towers, and then he goes and wins at Clue all the time. I thought he was nuts but now I'm starting to wonder if he isn't on to something."

Lernen's mother said it doesn't make her son's points any more valid, even if he might be the best person in the family at unraveling mysteries. "Even if he's good at Clue, it doesn't mean he's right about the Moon landing being filmed in a TV studio in Area 51," said Mora Lernen on Thursday after her latest defeat at Clue.

Fox News says War on Christmas could last "several generations"


Alain Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale

NEW YORK, NEW YORK

Recent accredited reports from Fox News have surmised that the "War on Christmas" may last "several generations." The fight against secular extremists may take longer than initially expected, say some Fox News reporters.

At the outset, the war to regain notoriety for the oft-forgotten holiday seemed to be relatively limited. Since being relegated to the back pages of history by fundamentalist non-Christians, Christmas has become an obscure and misunderstood festival, ignored by the secular and brainwashed masses.

"People just don't celebrate Christmas any more," said Pastor Dick Prime. "We have to restore our Christmas traditions and take the fight to the secular jihadists who are attacking our religious traditions, by using any means necessary, be they chemical, biological or nuclear."

Disney to sponsor next terrorist attack on America

Alain Terrieur
La Lune de la presse internationale

WASHINGTON, D.C.

The Walt Disney Corporation in conjuction with ABC Broadcasting announced Wednesday that it would be the proud sponsor of the next terror attack on the USA. After releasing a docu-drama this week on the 9-11 attacks which purposely distorted facts and testimony to Congress about the attacks in New York and Washington, the corporation decided that it would also be in its interest to promote future terrorism so as to pre-empt any factual reporting that would be done in its wake.

"We felt that since we got to re-write the history of 9-11 in order to blame the Clinton Administration, we may as well go ahead and ensure the next attacks so we could blame future Democrats or liberals, or anyone else we disagree with," said Disney Executive Producer Lou Zurr. He also dismissed allegations of partisan unfairness, illegality or immoral behavior as simply "aiding and abetting the future terrorists."

Another Disney executive said on condition of anonimity that Disney was thrilled with the prospect of monopolizing forthcoming documentaries of the next spectacular attacks on innocent Americans, hoping to make "tens of millions" while inserting whatever details they felt appropriate into the debate and omitting anything that might make certain government officials appear incompetent, complicit or perhaps even actively promoting terrorism on their own citizens. "That is simply out of the question," he stated. "We have a large enough revenue at this point to rewrite history as we see fit."

Civil War Memorabilia Gaining Popularity in Iraq

ALAIN TERRIEUR
La Lune de la presse internationale

BAGHDAD, IRAQ

Civil War Memorabia enthusiasts rejoiced Tuesday when it was announced that the popularity of the coveted objects had reached record levels in Iraq. Weapons such as rocket propelled grenades, handguns, explosives and depleted uranium had become increasingly valuable in recent weeks, a La Rochelle Times study showed.

If current memorabilia popularity remains at such high levels, it could have a profound effect on the development of Iraqi society and culture, as well as an influence on international oil prices. The Iraqi Dinar, once unpopular with foreign currency holders, could gain ground against other currencies if Iraq is flooded with even more potential Civil War memorabilia.

"In a few years, who knows what some of those depleted uranium rounds will be worth on the memorabilia market," said General Ann R. Key, currently overseeing the Fubar Province in central Iraq.

New weekly political comic strip with 911 influence...

This might be of interest - a new weekly comic strip occasionally dealing with 911 mysteries...

 

alex jones funny quotes of the day(s)

from Tuesday's show http://www.recordlabelrecords.org/ajclip3.mp3

If anybody has other mp3 clips of laugh out loud stuff by alex jones please send them to me.

alex jones funny quotes of the day

Im not sure if this will be well recieved but i am a huge alex jones fan but i find myself periodically cracking up at his little fake soutern accent imitations and colorful insults. Very good comedy all under the shadow of depressing times. but here check out some good quotes from him today

"and youve got a bunch of zombies who think they're conservative and they're listening to you, and im just sad for you, you took so much oxycontin one of the symptoms is... that it ate the nerve endings in your ears, so you got big ole wires sticking out of your head like a robot... DARTH VADAR!" (in reference to limbaugh)

mp3 link - http://www.recordlabelrecords.org/ajclip2.mp3

"oh no that aint it, its the jew, the devil spirit of the jew flys with bat wings into the chinaman to make him do it"

mp3 link - http://www.recordlabelrecords.org/ajclip1.mp3

if people like this i will try to post a few good/funny quotes every day, ocassionally i will post good hearted well spoken freedom rants by aj as well.

Screenplay about the PATRIOT Act, 9/11

http://mikesheedy.com/Play01b.htm

The link goes to a part of the play that concerns September 11. Check out the synopsis too, while you're there. Pass it on.

Missing: South Tower's Top

Mf Dnes hit piece. "Circus CIA" screenshot

Anyone want to run with this idea of using a milk carton as a parody on the "official story" of 9/11? How about "Missing: A Real Investigation of 9/11?" Or "Missing: Justice for the Real Perpetrators of 9/11"?

Do people think that the top of the South Tower really did "go missing" due to demolition, or did it fall over and land somewhere, like Church street? This thread contains an interesting debate on this question.

Thanks to Angular Momentum Fan for the heads up.

9/11 and the Paranormal

(Lifted this from DemocraticUnderground.com)

There was a lot of paranormal activity going on that day. Predictions, mind reading, and sixth sense activity... oh my.

The following is for entertainment purposes only. Any other use is a thought crime, a violation of the law that will be prosecuted to the full exent possible.

Rumsfeld:

At a "terrorism meeting" that morning Rumsfeld predicted that a shocking event would occur
in the near future. He didn't say how near, however.

I had said at an 8:00 o'clock breakfast that sometime in the next two, four, six, eight,
ten, twelve months there would be an event that would occur in the world that would be
sufficiently shocking that it would remind people again how important it is to have a
strong healthy defense department.

http://www.defenselink.mil/transcripts/2001/t12062001_t1205sd.html

That same morning, after the attack on the WTC, his ESP tells him that there will be another attack, and Pentagon may well be the target. Though, for some reason, after the Pentagon is hit he goes outside to "determined what had happened". I guess he didn't trust his intuition as much as he should have.